Pets and Children: The Units Theory

I (B.) never wanted a big family, maybe you do, maybe you don’t but I’m going to assume you don’t want 10 kids, 5 dogs and 17 cats for the purposes of this post, unless of course you want your own sit-com. I developed this rule out of necessity as my wife is always pressing to understand the limits of how many kids and pets we could potentially have, so I’ve put it down into a simple formula.

Kids + Pets <= 4 units
Kids<= 3 units

I never wanted more than 3 kids, and I never wanted too many pets, therefor we can have up to 3 kids, but not more than a maximum of 4 total responsibility units. If she wants more pets (2 dogs for instance) she can have a maximum of 2 kids reaching the 4 responsibility unit cap.

You can tinker with the formula for your needs, changing the min’s and max’s but to save you some of the difficult exceptions that come up, here are a few things we learned in testing the theory:

  • Unusual and responsibility intense pets can count as multiple units (e.g. horses 2-3 units, dolphins 3 units and velociraptors 4 units)
  • Large and salt water fish tanks count as at least 1 unit. Tanks large enough to accomodate sea mammals (dolphins, orcas, whales) should be judged accordingly.
  • Small caged animals count as .5 units per cage. Unit allocation may be adjusted based on ratio of cage dimensions to living dimensions.

The true importance of the rule is to establish relationship solidarity as to the number of pets. Failing this simple mathematical formula requires one of two solutions. You change your formula, or you change your partner.

 

-B.

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