MAN VS. PREGNANCY: THE BATTLE FOR EXHAUSTION

It has been a long year but 2011 has ended. Granted, this post is a month late and we are now into the second month of 2012, I do have a valid reason: I am going to have a kid. Yes faithful readers! The next step in manhood is the reproduction stage. I have finally planted the seed and now I will get to watch as my wife grows into the bearer of my child.

Now when i say grows, that is not meant to be taken as a physical depiction rather a metaphysical or nurturing perspective.

Men know that the wrath of a pregnant woman can be dangerous. From the morning sickness to the constant mood swings, pregnant women are a ticking time bomb. I know this from first hand experience. Though his is my first child, I think common sense would tell me that pregnancy is hard on everyone and to do this more than once is completely insane.

I have lost sleep just trying to make my wife happy. This is merely a casualty of war. Men are meant to take on the burden of dealing with a pregnant woman and that is just how the world works. No matter how tired you feel, no matter how hungry you get or how much you have to do, a man cannot and will never be able to (without any medical intervention or loss of sanity) bear children.

The idea of being pregnant or having to do the physical part of the pregnancy is why Mother’s Day is a better holiday than Father’s Day. I remember my mother always being happy to receive breakfast in bed and my dad asking me what he needed a clay ashtray for when he didn’t smoke.

Women have a lot to deal with and I hope to bring play by play action of the whole experience from the male perspective. For the next few months until July I will post about how men can deal with pregnancy and how women should allow the men the flexibility they need to deal with a pregnant woman.

I doubt very much that Steve Irwin would ever try to deal with a pregnant woman over a dangerous wild animal. Pregnancy is tough for more than one person  when it comes down to it. Here are some things that the pregnant woman should keep in mind when her husband doesn’t seem to get what she is going through.

First, men are logical creatures. We think that if you are tired that you should sleep. We don’t get how a pregnant woman is unable to sleep. As men we want to help. If you are uncomfortable let us fix the problem. Need a pillow? Sure. Need some water? Okay. Carry the baby? Not if my life depended on it.

Second, we don’t understand the food combinations. What you are eating is gross. Stop it.

Third, Your life is not over. The pregnant woman may think that they are never going to accomplish the things they wanted to before conceiving. I say that is a cop out. Whatever you felt like accomplishing before the pregnancy you should do after the pregnancy. There is always a way when it comes down to fulfilling a dream. You are giving birth. You are not on your death bed (no matter how it may feel).

It may seem insensitive what I am saying but I know that being pregnant is the natural order of things. Men are not the nurturers that women are. We are the fun and burly parent while he mother is the rule maker and the bandage applier. Asking us to carry a child because you are uncomfortable, only says to me that you don’t understand men. Give us an egg and we will drop it. Give us a tool and we will break something with it. Keep this in mind and you will let us get you water, a pillow and pickled ice cream.

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